What would you say if I were to tell you that I can cut your
show entry fees to about $2.00 per event; handlers' fees in
half, and virtually eliminate travel and shipping costs? ... All
of this with the show outcome approximately the same, or perhaps
better than you experienced last year. ... Wow! ... What a deal!
... Huh?

  I look at it this way: ... 

1. The vast majority of dogs entered into both specialty and
all-breed shows, lose.

2. For any given breed of dog, there are only thirty-four ribbons
awarded: first through fourth for both sexes in seven classes if puppies are 
judged. ... and then: Best Puppy, Winner's Dog, Winner's Bitch, Best of 
Winners, Best of Breed, and Best of Opposite Sex. The last six of these 
must go to an animal that has either won a class blue ribbon or, in the
case of the last two, perhaps to a champion.

3. If, for the sake of example, there are ten dogs entered in
each class and there are nine champions in the Best of Breed
competition, you have approximately a 1 in 10 chance of winning a blue 
ribbon and a 4 in 10 chance of going  home from the classes with a ribbon of 
any sort. ... But these odds are purely random. .. The dog show is certainly
not random, so your chances are not really that good.

 Jump onto the "Information Highway" with me and let's save you
oodles of money. ... If, instead of writing that check for
$16.00 to enter "Arfy" in the all-breed show, you will send me
only $2.00 along with a completed entry form, I will enter her
in an electronic class inside "The Internet". On the day of the
show, I'll choose the winners at random, thereby giving you a
better shot at a ribbon than if you had actually gone to
Hodgshead, Utah, or wherever the show was, in person. The same
number of entries that would have lost will still lose, but will
have saved $14.00 a piece in the process. Should the AKC object,
I'll have a licensed judge select winners from the hat, and, if you just
aren't happy without a professional handler, I can offer you the
handler of your choice for one half of his or her regular fee,
to be included with the entry fee, thank you.

 Because I have saved copies of judges' re-caps through the
years, I'll be able to send you a complete rundown of the show
with your "Arfy's" name inserted in just the right place, should
she be lucky enough to win a ribbon. If "Arfy" really meets her
standard in every way, I'll even throw in a picture of her, or
at least of a dog that looks just like her, receiving her ribbon
so that you can show your friends.

 As you know, trust and ethics are extremely important to the
integrity of the dog show industry, so please do not enter any
dead animals and be sure that the registration numbers you place
on the entry form are indeed "Arfy's". 

 By the way, I also frown upon attempts to influence the judging
by including additional funds with an entry. On the other hand,
if you really feel that a few extra bucks might improve your
chances, who am I to stand in your way? ... This service is for
you, after all. 

 Remember that now, for the first time in history, the more
entries you make, the better are your chances of winning. Unlike
the old-fashioned, manual dog show, and because of the wonders
of modern electronics, I am able to accommodate a virtually
limitless number of entries in any show. I can accept either
Mastercard or Visa, as well as cash, checks, money orders, and
cotton futures. Just remember that you are saving at least
$14.00 plus expenses each time you enter a dog. ... Those are
the kinds of savings that can really add up!